By D. Allan Kerr

As surprising as this may sound to some, Hillary Clinton is quite simply too nice.

If we lived in a world where things happen the way they should, I would get a phone call from Hillary on a Thursday night saying she needs a speech to kind of wrap up this presidential campaign. And about two hours later I would send her this, which she could of course adapt and adjust as she sees fit:

“So, it appears my opponent is prepared to concede this race, since he’s already making excuses about why he’s losing.

I’ve heard him blame Paul Ryan, John McCain, Lester Holt, the New York Times, Morning Joe, Saturday Night Live, corrupt clerks in your local voting precinct, some international mystery banks and a growing number of women who have accused him of sexual assault.

Make no mistake, my friends, when Donald J. Trump loses this election on November 8th, it’ll be because of two people – Donald J. Trump and me.

Now, you already know my resume and beliefs, my commitment to creating opportunities for all citizens to improve their lives. What I want to do right now is clarify for the record the real reason why Poor Donald is going to lose.

This is a man who defeated his Republican primary opponents through a series of lies, juvenile insults and innuendo, demonstrating a stunning lack of class and civility. And then he expressed indignation when they refused to follow him down the most vile, unhinged campaign I think I’ve ever seen.

I find it comical that a man who rode a tidal wave of free air time to the Republican nomination, based entirely on empty zingers and bizarre antics, is now accusing the media of being out to get him. Donald Trump is in fact a creation of the media, but when this same media finally started questioning him and challenging his honesty, he turned crybaby. Again.

Dry your tears, Donald – they’re doing their job. And if it’s too much for you, then maybe you’re not up to the task of running a democracy.

Let’s not forget, this is a man who feels so entitled he actually expects people to vote for him even if he were to shoot someone in Times Square in broad daylight. That’s how much contempt he has for his supporters.

I’m going to be honest with you – Donald has made my job way too easy. I mean, if I were running against a Jeb Bush or a Marco Rubio, I’d have to put in a 25-hour day, every day. Our campaign would be monitoring their proposals and their issues of the day, and we’d have to counter with our own, or we’d be countering their counter of our proposals. But with Donald, we haven’t had to do that so much.

Through his own words and his own actions, he’s made it impossible even for Republicans of good conscience to support him. Individuals like Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire, a woman I hold in highest respect, even if I don’t always agree with her; the first female attorney general in the history of her state; and now a valued member of the Senate Armed Services Committee who actually does her homework and knows what she’s talking about.

Look, it isn’t just because of the despicable confession he made to a TV host a decade ago.

It isn’t just because he called a 19-year-old girl “Miss Piggy” to her face because he didn’t think she was skinny enough, and “Miss Housekeeping” because she’s Latina.

It isn’t just because he dodged the draft in his youth and now belittles heroes taken as prisoners of war when they actually fought for their country.

It isn’t just because he knows how to fight ISIS “better than the generals” because he’s hosted beauty pageants and a reality TV show.

It isn’t just because he has historically refused to pay workers for jobs they completed for him, and then decided he’s a champion of the working class.

It isn’t just because he brought his companies to bankruptcy four times, ruined a professional football league, lost a billion dollars in one year, started a failed bogus university related to the real estate business right before the market crashed, and then tried to tell people he’s a financial genius.

It isn’t just because he has shown on a weekly basis that he lacks the maturity and mental stability to be Commander-in-Chief.

It isn’t just because he announced after 68 years that he’s a Christian and then behaved in the most un-Christlike manner of any candidate in recent memory.

It isn’t just because he tries to divide this country along lines of religion, race and sex when our greatest strength has been our ability to all come together.

It isn’t just because he rarely has any idea what he’s talking about, and is simply too lazy to take the time to learn.

It isn’t just because he routinely subverts the truth to fit his own bizarre reality and then whines when people call out his lies.

He’s the little boy in fifth grade who sits in the back of the classroom making fart noises and never does his homework, and then cries when he doesn’t get an A.

The reason Donald Trump is going to lose this election on November 8th is because he is the worst candidate running the lousiest campaign in the history of modern politics. Period.”

(October 23, 2016)